We will help each other out to oblivion

Sometimes a non-believer like me is begging Deaf Lord! Stop this! What sort of narrative are you plying me through? Is it linear or is it the everplay of the eversame with variations of themes?

We parted with violence, we parted cursing each other; we parted with worries about us, we parted with concerns about each other; we also parted fearing each other, with nightmares that the other is awaiting at the corner in the dark with a dagger of justice smeared with venom of retribution…

So many ways a man and a woman says adieu and never goes, staying to haunt each other, waiting to exorcise the self from the other. But forgetting…in a bid to write one’s self anew…that it was you who wrote me throughout these last years of togetherness and I have lost my pen, that pen which is lying with you still, how can I write myslf back to a rebirth?

And we are going through the phase where only tears rule. Exorcised the hatred. Kissed again dangerously, ’cause we have lost a roof of privacy. I always desired and missed adultery with my wife! If we were caught and guardians of moralities shouted that Hey! This is not the place to peck! could I have snapped back that Vanish you shithead! She is still my legal wife! and they would have mumbled, go back under your legal roof then…

Then like 8 months ago, alighted a cramped public-vehicle, going back to drop you at your home and you laughed: who would say that here is a couple who is under legal separation and I was illegally kissing your hair and forehead each minute (western readers, such things are not allowed in these parts of the Third World)…because we were whispering and whimpering that we have blocked all roads, burned all bridges behind, displayed how to be the worst husband and wife, proved our incompatibility with such meticulous precision within just a year old marital life…so living together is impossible…and the touches came back as pain.

So we are left with this again, from where we started before we talked about it all so many years back on an October evening, when we were shy, when we had our sweet trepidations…we are again possible lovers dear, but those were moments with a future and these are moments burdened with a past, sealed with impossibility…

You said something: between us pain seems to stay lingering so long, and those pleasures and bliss evaporate so fast! What were we doing then, a couple of evenings back? Desperately producing moments which will be bearable as the final ones?

Took a vow that we will help each other out to oblivion…